Humour

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Weird things customers say in bookshops de Jen Campbell

CUSTOMER : You know how they say that if you gave a thousand monkeys typewriters, then they’d eventually churn out really good writing?
BOOKSELLER : . . . yes.
CUSTOMER : Well, do you have any books by those monkeys?
BOOKSELLER : . . .

weirdthings1 weirdthings2

Je me suis intéressée à ces titres grâce à l’article d’Alexandra. Dans ces deux livres sont listées d’amusantes anecdotes qu’un libraire peut entendre. Jen Campbell tient une librairie de livres anciens en Angleterre. Elle a écrit son premier livre avec son expérience personnelle tandis que le deuxième comporte aussi des événements rapportés.

C’est souvent très drôle, parfois affligeant, d’autres fois attendrissant (souvent quand les dialogues sont avec des enfants). Il y a aussi quelques dessins qui illustrent les anecdotes. Les livres sont seulement publiés en anglais mais c’est facilement accessible. Le seul regret ? Cela se lit beaucoup trop vite !

Des livres parfaits pour passer un bon moment ! Et comme des exemples seront plus explicites, je vous laisse avec quelques unes de mes anecdotes favorites.

WOMAN (holding a copy of a Weight Watchers book in one hand and The Hunger Games in the other): Which of these dieting books would you recommend most?

CUSTOMER: Ok, so you want this book ?
THEIR DAUGHTER: Yes !
CUSTOMER: Peter Pan ?
THEIR DAUGHTER: Yes, please. Because he can fly.
CUSTOMER: Yes, he can – he’s very good at flying.
THEIR DAUGHTER: Why can’t I fly, daddy ?
CUSTOMER: Because of the evolution, sweetheart.

MAN : Hi, I’ve just self-published my art book. My friends tell me that I’m set to be the new Van Gogh. How many copies of my book would you like to pre-order?
BOOKSELLER : You know, Van Gogh was never appreciated in his lifetime.
MAN : . . .

CUSTOMER : These books are really stupid, aren’t they?
BOOKSELLER : Which ones?
CUSTOMER : You know, the ones where animals like cats and mice are best friends.
BOOKSELLER : I suppose they’re not very realistic, but then that’s fiction.
CUSTOMER : They’re more than unrealistic; they’re really stupid.
BOOKSELLER : Well, writers use that kind of thing to teach kids about accepting people different to themselves, you know?
CUSTOMER : Yeah, well, books shouldn’t pretend that different people get on like that and that everything is ‘la de da’ and wonderful, should they? Kids should learn that life’s a bitch, and the sooner the better.

YOUNG BOY: You should put a basement in your bookshop.
BOOKSELLER: You think so?
YOUNG BOY: Yeah. And then you could keep a dragon in it, and he could look after the books for you when you’re not here.
BOOKSELLER: That’s pretty cool idea. Dragons breathe fire, though. Do you think he might accidentally burn the books?
YOUNG BOY:  He might, but you could get one who’d passed a test in bookshop-guarding. Then, you’d be OK.
BOOKSELLER: You know, I think you’re on to something here.